geek2geek

This really is apropos of nothing, but I thought I should post something while I’m working on the third part of the “Text Lacks Empathy” series. I guess I could say that Valentine’s Day is coming up or something.

Worf is an outsider in a culture he either does not or chooses not to understand. This makes relationships… awkward. Sound familiar? He comes from an apparently male-dominated and straight-forward warrior society, but once you get him talking about women… not so sure.

“Klingons do not pursue relationships. They conquer that which they desire.”

“Human bonding rituals often involve a great deal of talking… and dancing… and crying.”

Worf: “Our women are considered our partners in battle. Formidable warriors.”
Dax: “And great fun at parties.”
Worf: “True.”

Riker: “Even Klingons need love now and then.”
Worf: “For what we would consider love, sir, I would need a Klingon woman.”
Riker: “What about plain old basic sex? You must have some need for that.”
Worf: “Of course, but with the females available to me, sir - Earth females - I must restrain myself too much. They are quite fragile, sir.”
Riker: “Worf, if anyone else had said that I’d suspect he was bragging.”

“Klingons appreciate strong women.”

“Nice legs. For a human.”

“Words come later. It is the scent which first speaks of love.”

Guinan: “You, you always drink alone. It wouldn’t hurt you to seek out a little…companionship.”
Worf: “I would require a Klingon woman for…’companionship’. Earth females are too fragile.”
Guinan: “Not all of them. There are a few on this ship that would find you… tame.”
Worf: [Laughs] “Impossible.”
Guinan: “You never know until you try.”
Worf: “Then I will never know.”
Guinan: “Coward.”
Worf: “I was merely concerned for the…safety of my crewmates.”
Guinan: “Drink your prune juice.”

And then there’s Data. Oh Data. I grew up on TNG and the episode In Theory, where Data tries to have a relationship with Lt. Jg Jenna D’Sora, certainly hits a spot. Not really understanding the emotions involved, Data makes up a bunch of programs to parrot human dating behavior. Of course, he has no concept of what “being on the rebound” means.

Some people might find that sad or uncaring that the whole of your attention isn’t focused on your partner. I’d just call it honest ADD.

I spent a lot of time trying to do what I thought was the proper thing in a relationship. Your partner should get all your thought and attention, that’s what I grew up thinking. Never really felt it that way. My brain goes off in all sorts of directions. The strain of trying to focus on just one thing, and feeling guilty when I couldn’t… I’d eventually dread going on dates. I projected my displeasure of reigning in my brain onto my partner. Eventually it would come to the point where I’d just end it and they’d be left totally confused.

After doing this a couple times in high school, I stopped dating altogether. Convinced myself it didn’t apply and I just wasn’t attracted to the opposite sex. Let’s just say the amount of porn I consumed in college would say otherwise. In reality I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I’d look at a cute girl and run a little dating simulation in my head which always ending up with my breaking up.

To everyone I did that to, I’m sorry.

Eventually, around age 24, I was around enough geeks with healthy ideas about sex and dating that I started to fix myself. Yes, it’s ok to be yourself around your partner. Yes, there are people who think brains are sexy. No, you don’t have to focus all your attention on your lover no matter what the stupid fairy tales say. Took years to fix with lots of help from friends and lovers and one particularly wonderful year of play and mutual emotional repair. Now I’m in a lovely relationship with qiika at a level of involvement that we happily describe as “adequate”. Both of us go insane with the usual level of attention expected, and given, in a “normal” relationship.

Let’s drag this back to the theme of the blog. It’s not just analyzing geek communication but geek socialization. Most importantly, it’s on geek terms. Rather than trying to wedge yourself into social norms, embrace your geek nature. You can learn, or unlearn, socialization no matter how old. Hell, I’ll admit it, I was a virgin until 25. Now… well, a gentleman does not kiss and tell but let’s say you wouldn’t know it.

There’s more of us now then there ever were before and we’re better connected then ever before. If I might plug my favorite geek dating site, OKCupid, which bucks the normal meat-market trend and uses a pile of intelligently and hilariously applied math, statistics and sociology to match folks up.

Rock out with your geek out.