geek2geek

(This is a guest blog post from Selena Deckelmann.)

Let’s say you’re at a conference. There’s some interesting person nearby. You want to talk to them, so you walk up, and say, “Hi, My name is Violet. Can I take a picture of you with me?” The response, “You’re rude.”

You can see her side of the story here. And Fake Steve Job’s take here.

So, maybe that’s not a typical response to a cute girl asking to take your picture.

But approaching a person out of the blue - the in-person equivalent of the “cold call” - is hard. You’ve got to have something interesting to say, then you have to say it, and finally you’re going to have to respond to whatever the other person says. A lot to think and worry about for what may be a 30-second interaction.

Can you tell whether the person you’re talking with is interested in what you’re saying? And if they’re not, can you do anything to make them more interested?

Enter: The Pickup Artist.

Some of you may be having Frank Mackey flashbacks right now. I’ve watched 4 episodes of this VH1 show and I love it! The host, Mystery, is cocky. He’s invented his own vocabulary to describe the process of getting a girl’s attention long enough to have a real conversation, and then, maybe, taking her home.

Mystery is never shy about the fact that he’s looking to get laid. But he does point out to the guys on the show that they are never going to have satisfying relationships unless they like themselves, are confident and put in the hard work it takes to be interesting to other people. Finally, he says, other people won’t be interested in you if you’re not interested in them.

And that’s the key. Empathy makes you interesting to other people. So many little things that we do let other people know we are interested in them. The show tries to tackle both sides - giving men skills to signal interest, and also teaching the signals that other people use.

I can’t really sum up all of Mystery’s advice for approaching someone you don’t know. But I think his strategy - that you have to focus on what’s interesting to the other person, and you need to make it fun - is a pretty good one.

I’ll leave you with another clip of Mystery explaining one of his theories, while picking up on a group of girls.

Did you see what she did at the end? Yeah, I did, too.